will sleep early tonight.

SERIOUSLY??!!!! :3 

:(

His glory is equal to light

Decision making, this is like the most hardest part in my life I’d rather cry whole night than to think of something if what have i done is wrong or right. Making decisions is really hard when you don’t know if the thing you have decided is correct. Well unfortunately i quite feel mad right now. I’m thinking of leaving someone because I think its the right thing to do. If that person doesn’t care then why would I stay?

This pain really won’t leave me alone I’m really praying for this heart to at least have a break, to have a peace for a while. I’m tired of feeling this kind of emotion cause it makes me cry and make decisions really fast without thinking the results. Soon I know I’ll be okay and wake up from this horrible nightmare. I’m not broken but still I am not fixed. I live and I can’t hide. I can’t runaway from this darkness in my heart but it will be healed soon. I see tomorrows gonna be fine and i will soon smile and of course being strong and will now breathe continuously.

If i smile now will everything be alright? If I close my eyes will I wake up? Am is till on the very long walk? Am i turning back? I will stop this insanity! I will stop crying, I will stop creating mess.

* God what you want me to do? Is everything right? Do i have to stay? Do i need to leave? If I leave will everything will be alright again? If I stay is there changes will it occur? Lead me Lord to a better heart to a better thinking. Give me peace and silence and rest here in my heart. Lord i pray for strength, I pray for my heart to be strong, I pray for this mind to be more clean in what of I think. Lord lead me, teach me if my decisions is right or wrong. Teach me how to be brave in my everyday Life aside from all the blessings you gave me and I’m still drowning because of your grace. Lord help me how to speak in front of them in all of them teach me what to say. Lord thank you for not letting me go. Thank you for keeping me safe.

You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned I was
Lost and insecure

Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let you in

Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption
You carried all the blame

Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place

Setting up goals

Checking the heart

Having focus

Little accidents can cause problems and why things are not making sense? why big things are not making sense also? Why is God not making sense at all then we will all ask him again and again why?

* Setting up goals

                         Don’t Try And To Be Something You’re Not. With Everything You Had, You Shouldn’t Fought

I was in High School i started out those vices influenced by my friends and by myself. I  do cutting classes and drink beers on my examination day it was i guess a coincidence having high grades every time i drink on my exams, I was happy , I had fun with those days but my heart seeks for something i don’t know what i don’t know where i couldn’t find it. I thought my life would continue living life like that way. I did also experienced what they call “here comes maryjane” i think i have done it twice, i can’t explain the feeling of smoking it. It was horrible at first then you’ll just notice you don’t know what you’re doing anymore.

It was nightmare and worst. I thought things like that cause happiness but all i see is darkness. Thank God He taught me how r\to be strong and without my experiences I wouldn’t notice He is watching me all the time keeping me safe.

Sometimes I’m saddened by the choices I’ve made
So many tears I have cried
Got what I wanted but the dream seemed to fade
Still feeling unsatisfied

But You saved me
Forgave me
How You’ve shown
You’d never leave me all alone
Oh, Lord

Every time I lose my place
The beauty of Your grace
Shines a light so I can see
Every time I lose my way
You make it all O.K.
I feel You’re love surrounding me
You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You’re where I belong

You’re always there to guide me through my mistakes
You’ve never once left my side
The way You pick me up each time my heart breaks
The way You always stood by

I’d feel You
You’d move right through my heart
We never really were apart
Oh, Lord

Every time I lose my place
The beauty of Your grace
Shines a light so I can see
Every time I lose my way
You make it all O.K.
I feel You’re love surrounding me
You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You’re where I belong

I will always put my faith in You
‘Cause I know You understand
I will try my best to follow You
‘Cause I know You’ve got a plan

Just to have You in my life
Is far more than enough
You are everywhere around me now
I can feel Your precious love

All the wonders of Your ways
I’m constantly amazed
How You make me safe and sound

It’s the way You lift me up
You’ve given me so much
Only You would never let me down

You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You’re where I belong 

Going home, going not.

I have been waiting for this, blessings and surprises from God but again, my patience is being tested (over and over again)

I know I am not that strong but I have to be, for my lola, my brother, sister, and for my family back there

I don’t know what is happening

Maybe I’m giving up too fast.

*

When I was younger I really wished for a perfect family I didn’t noticed that it has to be this hard, I keep on looking and looking for this very perfect family and didn’t know that I already have one, in Iloilo.

Yes, I didn’t notice that I was very blessed to have them in fact I really want to go home right now.

I wanted to feel the joy and excitement in my heart again

The feeling that even though we don’t have expensive things,

 But we face life the way God wanted it.

I miss my grandmother’s curtain it gives me comfort  and it say’s

This is your home.